I am sure that I am not pregnant this month. In fact, I've already started injecting my 3rd month of meds and I'm going in for my four day US tomorrow morning.
Last week, my dear friend texted me, wondering what God, with His good character, is doing in my life in this time of waiting. The question (but not my friend and her pure intention) made me angry. I don't know what God's doing. No clue.
And I was (mostly) okay with that until this question, with all of its baggage, came into my awareness.
Growing up, in Bible college, and in churches I attended in my twenties, I was taught to seek God and His will. I was taught to think in black-and-white, right-and-wrong answers. I was taught that God "teaches a lesson, then gives a test (to see if you've learned the lesson, and if you didn't then He'll keep teaching you the same lesson, until it gets through your thick skull)."
I no longer believe that there is ONE right answer, ONE right lesson to be learned, ONE right path of God's will in my life. God sent Jesus so I could have a relationship with Him, not so I could be "right" or "sinless" or "never mess up." Not everything I encounter in life is meant to be some secret message from God that I need to decode.
Is God working? Yes. Does He love me? Yes. Do I need to know what He's doing? No. Will not figuring out His secret message to me going to cause Him to withhold His love or blessing from me? No.
I hope that I can be surrendered to God, without having to experience the anxiety involved in trying to figure out how to be "right and not wrong." I hope that I am surrendered to God. I don't think it's primarily about "His work in my life," anymore though; I think it's about being surrendered and being in relationship with Him. Period.
Wow, very insightful. Sometimes things are very blurry and hard to see, aren't they? I am often comforted by Christ's statement,
ReplyDelete"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
It doesn't take away the pain to know we live in a broken, cursed world with disease, death, and other difficulties, but it does remind me that not everything is a personal "lesson" like you are talking about. Sometimes its about the journey and keeping the END of the journey in mind, knowing Christ has overcome the world and the trials of today are nothing in comparison to the blessings of our future in heaven.
"Sorrow may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning."
Forgive me if I sound as though I am preaching- but I mean my comments to comfort and encourage, and I think you are right, that in many situations we aren't going to figure out what things are all about until much later, if ever on this earth. Just continuing on everyday like you are and standing on His Word even when things aren't going well for you personally is your act of obedience.
It will probably help you as a therapist, too, because so many of the people we work with are also "in the dark" during certain points in their lives and sadly, don't have a relationship with our heavenly father to help them through. Your experiences will make it easier for you to empathize with their confusion during troubling times, and, hopefully, to point them toward God through prayer and emulating his Son.